10 things that suck ass
(i should really change the title of this page, because search engines and porno addicted ass lovers seem to think this page is about actually sucking an ass.)
1) I hate small dogs
Any dog that is smaller than a normal dog should be (ie smaller than a beagle) should die. I hate small dogs. Everytime I see one i want to punt it. They're so worthless. Think about what the domesticated dog is supposed to be doing:
1) lead blind people
2) protect houses from burglars
3) fetch the newspaper
4) herd sheep
5) make michael vick money
These little ass dogs can't do ANY of these things. fucking worthless. I'm going to get a rot weiller and train it to just attack these little dogs and eat them all.
somebody step on this fucker.
2) I hate babies
Anything that just shits and cries all day should just shut the hell up. That's you hilary clinton, you 75 year old saggy tittied little baby. WAH WAH THEY WERE SHOOTING BULLETS AT MY PLANE! VOTE FOR ME! What a bitch.
honestly bill, I never blamed you.
3) I hate real babies too
They never shut the fuck up when they're supposed to. During the game, during the movie, at church, on the plane. I hate babies on an airplane more than anything. Can't we just put them in the overhead compartment?
4) I hate kids
I remember this one time I was playing miniature golf with the bros and we were at the 18th hole. We were stuck at that hole for some time because we all suck. This little 10 year old walks over, putts, and pulls a tiger woods and sinks it on his first shot. He's all cheering and shit. We were kind of annoyed since he just came over and played while we were still in the middle of our game, but that wasn't a big deal. But he comes over, and starts talking all this shit to us.
little kid: "I got a hole in one! Even those guys couldn't do that!"
me: That's great you fucking dick.
He looked like he was going to cry like a little bitch, and then he runs away to his mommy and daddy. That's right, I put that little 10 year old fucker in his place.
Stupid ass kids. We need something to keep these little fuckers in check. Something scarier than juvy. I'm going to open "The Never Land Prison for Naughty Children." Michael Jackson is going to be the warden, and in charge of the night shift. Good luck and keep your assholes puckered you little shitheads.
5) I hate playboy's "girls of big ten" issue
How come I never see any of these girls at northwestern?
One of my college goals was to run up to one of the girls of big ten with a picture of her in the magazine and yell, "LOOK! ITS YOUR BUSH! AND I CAN SEE IT! YOU DONT SHAVE! EWWW!" I think it's all bullshit. They probably just took some whore off the street, threw a northwestern hoodie on her and told her to bend over.
6) Sex and the City
There's already a show about four dudes who get lots of ass. It's called entourage, and it's actually funny, unlike this retarded piece of shit show. God they're ugly.
7) I hate Mulan
looking like a guy made you a hero. congrats.
They should have executed her. Not because she was an independent spirit and a free thinking woman (who needs that). They should have chopped her head off as soon as they found out she was a girl so flat and ugly that she passed off as a dude. Condoleezza Rice and Janet Reno are both direct descendents of Mulan.
8) I hate Santa Claus
My kids are going to be those bitter asshole kids at school who are like 7 years old and they go around telling all the other kids in their kindergarten class that the Santa Claus at the mall is a fat alcoholic homeless dude and it's all bullshit. I love kids like that.
Little Johnny: Santa brought me a train set!
My bitter children who never get christmas presents: Santa doesn't exist you dick wad.
9) I hate the in-your-face-lesbians
I hate it when lesbians are in your face about their lesbian-ism just because they know they're lesbians which may be considered unconventional and now they gotta prove a point. I went to a cultural show at UMich where in one of the acts this chick is on stage and yells fuckin loud to the crowd, "THE BEST DICK I'VE EVER HAD IS A BROWN WOMAN'S HAND!"
Not finger, not two fingers, but she specifically fucking said "hand." Her vagina is one field goal the ball cannot miss.
Anyways, I can appreciate people who have pride in who they are and the lifestyle choices they make, but c'mon - be smart about how you display your pride in who you are. I can say that I like girls. Or I can say that I like sticking my wank in punani and i like having melons rubbed all over my face. One of them is slightly easier on the ears. Man that was some nasty shit to be hearing during a cultural show.
10) I hate top 10 lists
You can't just pick a random number. It's got to have an even ring to it, like 10. Can't do 4, or 7, or 9. I mean, I actually ran out of shit to say after my rant about kids. I just started spewing bullshit after that. You probably figured that out when I mentioned mulan. That was totally from left field. But whatever - if you read this far, you obviously got time on your hands anyways.
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1) lead blind people
2) protect houses from burglars
3) fetch the newspaper
4) herd sheep
5) make michael vick money
These little ass dogs can't do ANY of these things. fucking worthless. I'm going to get a rot weiller and train it to just attack these little dogs and eat them all.
little kid: "I got a hole in one! Even those guys couldn't do that!"
me: That's great you fucking dick.
He looked like he was going to cry like a little bitch, and then he runs away to his mommy and daddy. That's right, I put that little 10 year old fucker in his place.
Stupid ass kids. We need something to keep these little fuckers in check. Something scarier than juvy. I'm going to open "The Never Land Prison for Naughty Children." Michael Jackson is going to be the warden, and in charge of the night shift. Good luck and keep your assholes puckered you little shitheads.
Little Johnny: Santa brought me a train set!
My bitter children who never get christmas presents: Santa doesn't exist you dick wad.
Not finger, not two fingers, but she specifically fucking said "hand." Her vagina is one field goal the ball cannot miss.
Anyways, I can appreciate people who have pride in who they are and the lifestyle choices they make, but c'mon - be smart about how you display your pride in who you are. I can say that I like girls. Or I can say that I like sticking my wank in punani and i like having melons rubbed all over my face. One of them is slightly easier on the ears. Man that was some nasty shit to be hearing during a cultural show.
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Bookmark this on Delicious