Kung Fu Panda...and other animated nonsense
I find Kung Fu Panda offensive. To clarify, I don't find Kung Fu Panda offensive as in like "let's go start riots and blow up some embassies over cartoons." To put things in perspective, think of it like this: Let's make a movie called "Ghetto Hood Rat" starring a comical looking talking rat wearing a durag voiced over by George Clooney talking ghetto. How many people would stop and say, "Wait...this is not that bad...but something is not quite right.." ?
Before I start, let me say that I hate pandas. Pandas are like the retards of the bear family. All these other bears are out there fucking up tourists and hikers and shit while pandas are just sittin on their fat asses eating bamboo and going extinct. I mean seriously, how long have these motherfuckers been going extinct? How many more years of just fucking each other and sitting around is it going to take before you assholes get your shit together? Does anybody even hunt Pandas?
Way to blend into your surroundings, dumbass.
I just wish it wasn't such a piece of shit animal that's the forerunner of more stereotypes for asians. Why can't it be something badass like a dragon or something? Like Mushu from Mulan. Wait a minute...
Honestly, this is not going to make stereotypes any worse than it already is. It's just annoying to me that some dude who probably never been to China wrote this screenplay, showed it to some other fucker who has never been to China and said, "YEAH KUNGFU AND PANDAS AND DUMPLINGS!! AWESOME!! WE ARE GOING TO MAKE $$$$ AT THE EXPENSE OF STEREOTYPES! CHA-CHING$$! CHA-CHINGA-CHANG CHONG! GET IT? HAR HAR."
It's funny how these stereotypes in animated films always slip through. Take Cars for example. The premise is that there's some kind of hot shot race car that some how gets stranded in some bumble fuck town full of losers and he meets some bitch and some old dude...and well, you know what, nobody gives a shit because this movie can eat my pubes.
This movie is actually pretty damn racist. They got a bunch of these pinto cars that talk like mexicans, and this big fucking tow truck with buck teeth is supposed to be trailer trash. The two main characters are porches and ferrari and speak perfect english...and well, there's a lot implied in that (ignore the fact they are both s'posed to be foreign cars).
Remember folks, it's not racism if it's making fun of white people.
I'm surprised that they didn't have some chink ass looking mitsubishi car chinga-chonging and drifitng all around the place with grains of rice and fortune cookies flying out of the exhaust. Or an angry raging alcoholic hyundai that crashes into everything and can't seem to turn its blinkers off. I'm actually more surprised that there wasn't a black monte carlo talking all hood and bouncing around on hydraulics and shit. Kind of like that black hummer from Transformers.
Cars was such a stupid ass movie. What I didn't understand, is why they attempted to put a romantic plot line in the movie. The two main characters are trying pretty hard to fuck each other. Why would you ever try to plug something like that into cars? And why is the only romance involving two hot ass cars? So you saying the ugly ass tow truck ain't never going to hit up any pussy? Oh well, might as well tell the truth to the kids now rather than have them find out later that if you're ugly there's no hope. I just don't understand why they tried to plug in romance into a movie with cars, mostly because it just doesn't make any fucking sense.
Hey baby, what rubber you wanna use. Michelin or Goodyear?
So...is the ferrari supposed to get on top of the porche? I don't get it. Or do they just rear end each other over and over again? Head on collision? You'd technically need a towtruck to assume missionary. What happens when a car gets pregnant? Do mini coopers start flying out of the trunk of the car? I don't think they were thinking when they made this movie. Or maybe they just assumed assholes like me wouldn't be watching cartoon movies made for 6 year olds.
Sorry...I got distracted by sex. The point is that, these movies are prety much border line racist and are proliferating stereotypes to the young, and nobody seems to fucking notice it. They're not necessarily that bad, and it's not something that we gotta get all pissed off about, but it's just fucking annoying when the main character of a movie is some fat fuck panda with a "dumpling-addiction." I'm not kidding, in the movie, the panda has a dumpling addiction. What the fuck is that? Dumpling addiction? Why yes, in china, all they have is dumplings and pandas. Please come visit the 2008 Olympics for your share of communism and dumplings! And of course, we eliminated every type of sport in the Olympics. The only official olympic sports are now kung fu, karaoke, mahjong and spreading propaganda. What the fuck man. And everybody is just sitting here thinking Jack Black is so funny. Fuck that shortbus looking fatass. He's not fucking funny at all. His entire premise of being funny revolves around being a fat idiot and liking rock and roll. Good fucking job...now go drink some bacon grease and pray that there are more roles out there in movies that involve fat grungy looking shits who look like they haven't showered in 5 years. Maybe if they ever remake Seven, you can be the fat asshole who dies from eating too much spaghetti you gluttonous sack of lard.
fat ass.
Anyways...just be mindful of how many things seem to slip by unnoticed when it's in an animated film. No, I didn't watch Kung Fu Panda, and I only watched about half of Cars. Yes, they both suck my dick.
Stumble It!
Bookmark this on Delicious
1171