dog lovers are idiots. I'm going to eat dog

Read this dumbass article.

In 1988, Korea hosted the olympics. And since the olympics is all about the world getting along aside from our different cultures, Korea came under scrutiny by other cultures and was told to stop eating dog.

Now that the olympics have come to China, the same bullshit is happening again. They are trying to ban the eating of dogs, because people keep saying it's cruel and disgusting (mostly UK and US).

This is all bullshit to begin with. This isn't about animal cruelty - it's about people thinking eating dog is gross because they're used to looking at them as pets. And now they're going around to other people's countries trying to tell them what's what. Well I say fuck that shit.

1) Keep your pro-dog opinions to yourself, because nobody gives a shit

I'm sure dogs make great pets. They're friendly and hell, probably more loyal than the average human. It's great that you like dogs, but that's your opinion. Different people will eat different things, and just as well, keep different things as pets. For all we know Dog might taste like a bacon cheddar burger - so who the fuck are we to be telling people what to eat or not? For example, Hindus worship cows, but you don't see them coming over here trying to take down Steak n Shake, do you? I mean if they did then I'd be ready to go to war (nobody's taking away my fucking milkshake and ribeye burger), but the point is, they put into practice something even more badass than worshipping cows: it's called "shutting the fuck up." It helps to do it once in a while you self righteous assholes. Can you imagine how annoying it would be from our end if we had to hear about some dick face on the other side of the planet writing newspaper articles about how gross and barbaric you are because you eat steak? People like that need to be cock slapped.

2) saying that eating dog is cruel is putting an arbitrary value on life

According to these animal rights morons, eating dog is so terribly cruel, but somehow eating cow is okay. Chemical testing on rats, mice, and monkeys is also all okay. Eating bison, chicken, pork are all great. You see, the only logic I see behind this is that people are thinking dogs are better because they have personality qualities that make them seem better than other animals, so it feels more fucked up to eat them. So if a dog's good personality makes its life more valuable, then the opposite is true as well right? The stupider, the uglier, the fatter, and the more annoying the animal is, then the more okay it is to eat those worthless shits.

...in which case, the following three need to be eaten, as they have nothing that differentiates them from cattle and pigs.







Jack Black, Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah are stockyard animals that must be eaten. In fact we'd do the world a service. We'd get rid of three of the most annoying fat lesbians on Earth and feed all of Sudan in one stroke. We should prepare them using the foreman grill in order to reduce fat content.

3) What's more cruel?

A country that eats dog? Or a country that shoots up animals for fun on the weekends? I mean you could buy bullets at walmart and go out and shoot the fuck out of animals and nobody will say a thing. You see, all this bullshit is based off of some asshole's opinion that for some reason it's oh-so-boo-hoo-fucking sad to see a dog die, but entertaining to shoot up ducks, rabbits, deer, moose and all the rest of those dumbass forest animals. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to go hunting. I don't give a shit either way - I just think it's really dumb for you to be trying to save dogs with one hand and shooting forest animals with a 12 gauge with the other.

You know what I think is really cruel? Fishing. What other sport involves driving a hook through the mouth of an animal, watching it suffocate to death, and then taking a picture with its fresh corpse? Again, I am not against fishing. I probably go through several cans of tuna and salmon a week, so fish on my friends.

Anyways, isn't it nice when we get to pick and choose our own set of guidelines to pass judgment on what is cruel and what's not? And then we complain about how other people live their lives using guidelines we fucking MADE UP?

4) Animal Equality...?

As I've discussed, some animals (like dogs) are clearly favored. Other animals, people don't give a fuck about. Let's try a short exercise. Read the following fucked up things I've done to animals, and do NOT laugh by the time you get to the end:

- When I was 8, I found a huge ant hill. I took a piss on it and laughed at the ants drowning in my golden shower. Learn to swim, bitches.

- When I was 12, I saw a beaver dam at a river. I walked up and kicked that shit over.

- Once I saw a deer in my backyard. I tried to beat it with a shovel, but it got away.

- I was outside my house and a squirrel fell off a tree and then died. I laughed at it.

- I went fishing with my uncle and I caught a sting ray. We didn't know what to do with it. Once we got it on the boat we took turns kicking it until it died.

- I was at this chinese grocery market and there was this huge tub full of live crabs. I sat there beating the crabs with the tongs for a good 15 minutes until my mom stopped me after I killed like 3 crabs.

- I took my friend's cat and threw it as hard as I could to see if cats really always land on their feet. Apparantly not. Especially if you tie their feet together.

I'll venture a guess that you at least found some of this amusing. Now, imagine if I did any of those things to a dog. My ass would be in jail, and everybody would call me a piece of shit asshole. I'd be essentially labeled a villain. But who gives a shit about these other animals, right?

5) One way or another, you're probably indirectly supporting the killing of innocent animals, so there's no point in trying to protect one animal over another. Lest you enjoy being a dumbass

Women - none of you can complain about other countries eating dog or beating dogs or whatever. Do you know how many fucking rabbits and rodents and shit die so that you can safely use your mascara? You cannot possibly turn around and talk about how terrible it is to eat dog knowing this so eat a fucking dick. Unless you are an engineering chick, in which case you are not guilty of said crimes. Because I know you don't wear make up. Or shave your arm pits for that matter. Man that's fucking gross. You know what, please, go ahead and kill more animals and put on some fucking revlon.

Everybody else who eats any kind of animal protein - you can't say shit either. Unless you can come out with some undebatable truth that somehow the eating of dog is more cruel and disgusting than eating cattle and pig, you can eat my ass and shut the fuck up and stop telling other people what the fuck they can and can't eat. Have you thought about some of the things you are doing by eating ANY animal? Or even something as seemingly innocuous as scrambled eggs? That's somebody's unborn kid you sick asshole.

6) Michael Vick, you have a home in Korea

Just kidding. You're still a fucker and belong in jail.

I wonder, would he be in half the trouble he is in now, if he made like a platypus fight a goat for money? I get the feeling everybody would have just laughed and given Mr. Vick a high five.

7) We might eat Fido, but at least we're not sucking him off

According to the Kinsey Report , in the US, 40-60% of rural teenagers have engaged in sexual acts with animals.

Maybe instead of worrying about what other people are eating, you should worry about what your kids are fucking first.

On a related note, this article is about a man who died after having sex with a horse. Oh, he died because he was the wide receiver. That's awesome.

So...who's fucked up again?

8) Just because of all this bullshit, I'm going to eat dog

I've never been a big supporter of eating dog. I am however against stupidity. And I am against high-and-mighty-thinking motherfuckers who believe they have the right to call other cultures disgusting or barbaric. And I will do all sorts of shit to prove my point. Next time I go to korea, I'm going to eat the shit out of a dog. I'm going to find one of those back alley illegal restaurants serving dog and get 10 orders and give each bowl a name just to make it even more fucked up and then chow that shit down. Fuck it. I'm going to open a dog buffet restaurant. I'll call it "101 Dalmations" just as a big fuck you to all you dog-loving hypocrite retards.


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chucky@asianfailure.com