the "for dummies" books finally live up to their name

The "For Dummies" series is a highly lucrative self help book series which I'm sure you're familiar with. The idea behind the "for dummies" thing is to make subjects that are normally difficult to understand more approachable. Hence, the "dummies" thing - which nobody actually considers themselves dummies when they buy these books. It might have been true back in the day when there were For Dummies books that actually covered difficult topics. Today, the series has degenerated into a set of books for truly stupid people.



Are you fucking kidding? You eat some fucking vegetables. How could you possibly write an entire book on eating vegetables? Ok listen. It's simple; you use the same rule of thumb that you use for eating pussy. If it bleeds, don't eat. Fuck's sake it's not that hard.



If you need to buy a fucking book on how to use these, do the human race a favor and the next time you're in front of a computer, smash your face through the computer monitor and choke yourself with the mouse chord. I'm actually kind of confused. Is the online dating book about how to pimp a bitch online or is it teaching you like how to click a mouse button and stuff? That'd actually be useful if it's a book on pimping bitches online. It should especially warn you about profile pictures of chicks who use photoshop to increase their titties and decrease their nostrils and make all their warts and pimples disappear and shit. That shit is dangerous. I met a chick off of myspace once (yes, i know that's sad) and her profile picture was one of those fucking bathroom-reflection pictures that bitches always take, so I couldn't make out her face. When I actually met her it was kind of funny because she had like a pig nostril. It literally was slanted upwards, so you could see the inside of her nose without having to look up. That seems a bit hazerdous. If she laughs while drinking milk or something, that shit will shoot out forward rather than downwards. I would not want to be around when that happens.



Can you imagine some retarded mother sticking her titties into a baby's ear and saying, "C'mon! Why won't you eat damn it?" I just don't see how you could possibly fuck this up. This is why I think that stupid people shouldn't be allowed to have sex and have babies.



I'll tell you all about depression. Go to hot topic, buy some mainstreamed emo accessories, listen to some smashing pumpkins while you put on black nail polish, walk around in a trench coat and then cry like a little bitch about how much life blows. Then you can rent "natural born killers" and contemplate how one day you'll shoot people because you have no friends, and it's clearly their fault. Or maybe you could do us all a favor and go take a bath in chlorox and deepthroat a butcher knife you socially inept fuck head. What the fuck is up with the cover? Shouldn't there be a picture of a whiny teenage bitch bawling with her mascara dripping down her cheeks? This cocksucker looks like he's got dandruff.



This is the only dummies book that is totally fucking awesome. How many books can claim that their front cover has a giant sperm on it? Although, I think the cover is rather misleading. Shouldn't the sperm be like broken and dying? Like maybe missing it's tail or something? It's about infertility, not about actually crossing the finish line. That would suck if you're a sperm and you're missing the only appendage you have. It's not like you can replace it with a peg leg or something. You'll just roll around and wander in circles until you die. That sucks. Good thing there's a book to tell you all about it.



Ah shit...why did I buy this book again?



Little Billy: Daddy, is it raining?
Stupid dad: Hmm. Let me check my book. Yup, it's definitely raining.
Little Billy: Daddy, are you the reason why I suck at life?
Stupid dad: Yes, son. But fortunately, we have another book to help me with that...



I like this one the best. Because the title totally makes sense.

I realize that the "for dummies" thing is just a play on words. But that only actually works if it's not true. You can't have a book called "Raising Smart Kids for Dummies" or "Breastfeeding for Dummies." That just doesn't make sense - because you'd have to be a fucking moron in the first place to need a book on those topics. The book needs to be about something that isn't really for dummies, like Quantum Physics or some shit. Allow me to illustrate with some examples to show how silly this shit is:







You see, the whole play on words thing doesn't really work if it's something you should already be able to do without having to read a 200 fucking page book about it. Can you imagine how many idiots out there have bought this book to encourage an entire fucking series of books like this? Or how many people have been duped into thinking that they're not actually retarded for having bought this?


Stumble It!





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